Every milk donor has a story, and each one is a gift to the babies and families we serve. This story is no exception. We recently sat down with Lori Sutton to hear about her inspiring journey to becoming a surrogate and, after a healthy delivery, donating more than 2,000 ounces of her breast milk to Mothers’ Milk Bank California.
In her own words, Lori shares what led her to say yes to surrogacy, what the pregnancy was like, and why she chose to become a milk donor. She shares candidly about the complexity of surrogacy, and why she still sees it as a powerful gift of love and community when it’s done with care and respect.
On saying yes to surrogacy
I came to surrogacy in a rather serendipitous way.
After I’d had my own children, I wondered about surrogacy and spoke very abstractly about how I thought it was something I could do. Through the fog of having two babies in two years, the chaos of that stage of life, and the COVID pandemic that shortly followed, I never pursued it. Then, one summer day, my mom asked me, “Do you still think about being a surrogate?” I was 37 at the time, and the thought hadn’t crossed my mind in years. But, the daughter of one of my mom’s closest friends — someone I had known since childhood — was struggling with infertility and exploring surrogacy. My mom asked me to think about it.
About a year after that initial proposal, a year of navigating the many hoops and obstacles of an independent (and international!) surrogacy, I found myself in Reno, Nevada with my mom and her best friend present in the room, receiving the embryo transfer that would become the baby our friends’ family had longed for.
The pregnancy journey
Besides the crushing label of a “geriatric” pregnancy, we had a pretty easy ride. My pregnancy was largely uneventful, and “Frank” (as I called her) was a good little passenger. I had, and continue to have, a great relationship with the intended parents, rooted in our mothers’ decades-long friendship, and our big ambition to make their dream of having a family a reality. I felt well supported by my intended parents and their families throughout the journey; I always felt that I was an active partner in their journey to becoming parents. I found the experience of being a surrogate empowering, and enjoyed sharing our story with people around me: my children, my friends, my colleagues, even the clients with dementia with whom I work.
On becoming a milk donor after surrogacy
Before Frank was born, I knew I wanted to donate my breast milk. I’d had successful breastfeeding journeys with my own children, including donating my milk to my best friend’s baby, and wanted to share this gift with other families in need. There were many health screening requirements to get started, but after that, the donation process was very easy. I pumped and stored, Mothers’ Milk Bank California sent me a cooler to pack up, and they picked it up and shipped it out – all at no cost to me. All in all, I donated over 2,000 ounces of breastmilk over three months.
A powerful gift of love and community
Surrogacy has been in the news this year, shadowed by controversy, and it hurts my heart to read the discourse. I want to be clear: the ethics of surrogacy are not black and white, and some women are being exploited through surrogacy. However, I still believe that it is an incredibly powerful gift of love and community, when managed appropriately. My surrogacy was one of the most beautiful and cherished experiences of my life. Having my own children was one thing, but being able to give the gift of a family to another was extremely powerful and affirming in my strength as a woman and giver of life. I consider myself lucky that I carried a baby for a personal friend, and that our relationship was rooted in love and mutual respect from the very beginning.
I will always be grateful I took the leap and said YES to surrogacy: for the role I got to serve in bringing Frank into the world; for the trust my intended parents put in me with their most precious dream; for the unique privilege to make a family for someone else; for my body, that did it all with such grace, even at the geriatric age of 39.
