In honor of Father’s Day this month, we’re sharing tips we’ve heard from dozens of families over the years about what a supportive partner can do to prepare for a baby’s arrival. We know there’s no shortage of advice for the mother-to-be, including here on our own blog. But dads and partners are often left to figure it out on the fly, at a time where there are already so many unknowns. Being prepared can help you feel more confident and supportive during life’s important moments.
1. Breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy
This is perhaps the most important thing to understand going in. The word “natural” can create a false expectation that breastfeeding will simply happen without effort or struggle. For many moms, the early weeks involve pain, uncertainty, and steep learning curves for both mom and baby. Going in with realistic expectations and the right resources at your fingertips means neither of you will be caught off guard, and you’ll be ready to support rather than wonder if your partner is doing something wrong.
2. Learn the basics of feeding before the baby comes
You don’t need to become a certified expert of course, but knowing the fundamentals will make your partner feel supported during tough times, and give you a broader understanding of baby feeding in general. Before baby arrives, take time to learn about:
- How milk supply works and what affects it
- What cluster feeding is and why it happens
- Signs that a baby is feeding well
- When to call a lactation consultant
- How to find comfort as your partner’s body and the baby adjust
Many hospitals and birthing centers offer prenatal breastfeeding classes that welcome partners. Ask yours what’s available for you!
3. Your support directly affects her success
Research consistently shows that a partner’s support is one of the strongest predictors of breastfeeding success, along with intent to breastfeed and prenatal breastfeeding education. This isn’t a journey your partner takes alone. How you show up in those early weeks, in ways big and small, will have a direct impact on how long and how confidently she is able to breastfeed.
4. Have a lactation consultant lined up before you leave the hospital
If your partner is giving birth at a hospital, most will have lactation consultants on hand ready to support and get an early start on breastfeeding. Don’t wait until there’s a problem to find help! The first few days at home are often the hardest, and knowing exactly who to call when things get difficult will save you both enormous stress. (Save the number in your phone now!)
5. Set up a feeding station together
One of the most practical things a partner can do before the baby arrives is help create a comfortable, well-stocked feeding station. Your partner will spend many hours in this spot; make it a good one! Think about:
- A supportive chair or glider with good armrests (pillows can help for comfort if you don’t have a glider!)
- A nursing pillow
- A side table within easy reach
- A water bottle and healthy snacks nearby
- Phone charger and good lighting
- A basket of all the essentials: burp cloths, nipple cream, pumping supplies if she’s pumping
6. Understand that your job at night is everything but the feeding (unless the baby is bottle feeding too, of course!)
Night feeds are one of the most exhausting parts of early parenthood, and partners sometimes feel helpless during them. But your role at night is huge, and we often hear from moms that it can be frustrating to watch their partner snoozing away while they’re up feeding the baby. While baby eats, you can:
- Bring water and a snack for your partner
- Handle the diaper change before or after the feed (every extra minute of sleep counts for mom!)
- Burp and settle the baby to help get them back to sleep
- Simply stay awake with your partner so she doesn’t feel alone in the dark. (Some couples find that having one parent rest while the other feeds is a much better idea to ensure you both get sleep when you can! Keep in mind: The most important thing to do is whatever works best for your family.)
7. Know the signs that something isn’t right
Being able to recognize when breastfeeding has moved from hard to problematic for anyone in the family could make a real difference. Watch for:
- Cracked, bleeding, or severely sore nipples beyond the first week
- Baby losing too much weight or not regaining birth weight
- Baby seeming constantly hungry or unsatisfied after feeds
- Signs of mastitis in your partner (fever, redness, flu-like symptoms)
- Your partner seeming persistently defeated, tearful, or unlike herself
If any of these appear, advocate for help immediately by calling your partner’s doctor or baby’s pediatrician. For more critical help, head to an urgent care clinic or call 911.
8. Protect her from unsolicited opinions
Family and friends generally mean well, but opinions about feeding choices can be overwhelming and deeply unhelpful during a vulnerable time. As a partner, one of your most important jobs is to be a buffer between your partner and outside noise. This might mean:
- Kindly redirecting conversations at family gatherings
- Having a private agreement about what feedback you’ll accept and from whom
- Backing her up firmly and graciously when others overstep or make her feel uncomfortable
She needs to know you’re in her corner, especially in the moments when she can’t advocate for herself.
9. Know that donor milk is an option
If for any reason your partner cannot produce enough milk, or if your baby needs supplementing, pasteurized donor milk from a milk bank like Mothers’ Milk Bank California (MMBCA) is a safe, lifesaving option worth knowing about. Here at MMBCA, we carefully screen and pasteurize donated breast milk so that families in need can access it with confidence and care. Learn more about giving or receiving donor milk.
